I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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