I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
