Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
