Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Im part way to drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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