Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
