The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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