just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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