Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
