she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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