I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
