I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
