Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
