I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want her autograph on my taint
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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