My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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