I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
