can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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