Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
