We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
