His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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