fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
two words...techno handjob
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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