You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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