she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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