I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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