I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
