I looked at my own cervix.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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