Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
