think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the day after is always just damage control
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
