It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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