She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
