So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
