You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
