I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
