If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My vagina is officially offended.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
