You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
