We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
