Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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