AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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