Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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