Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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