it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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