I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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