even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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