The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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