I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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