so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
