marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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