Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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