And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
