She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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