I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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