I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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