Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
