genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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