I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
