Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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