Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just pee around me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
