mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
