I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
