sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
