I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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