Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
