I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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