I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
