I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
