My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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