she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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