So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They took my balls.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
