Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
