Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
