we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
